Many people who keep their distance from church are not looking for a fight about God. In Mark Matlock’s conversation with Lisa Fields on the Jude 3 Project podcast, he describes people who already sense there is something more and want more of the good they have already tasted. Reaching them starts with a question. Over the next seven days you will practice three movements with one spiritually curious person: ask what they hope for, find a longing you honestly share, and point to Jesus when the door opens without forcing the moment. You can do this alone. A group can meet once before the week, to read Scripture and practice listening together, and once after, to compare what members learned.
Before anything else, picture one person
Choose one person you already know and will see or talk to this week. Maybe a coworker who mentions her meditation app, a relative who checks his horoscope, or a friend who left church years ago but still calls herself spiritual.
On paper or in a private note, write two sentences. First, what you think this person is looking for. Second, what you think keeps them away from church. Keep it short and do not edit it. You will return to these sentences at the end of the week, and the gap between what you guessed and what you learned is the most useful part of this study.
In a group, nobody needs to say who they chose. Names stay private. Members can describe the person in general terms or say nothing at all.
Two questions Jesus asked
Start with how Jesus opened conversations. When two of John’s disciples began following him, Jesus “turned, and saw them following, and saith unto them, What seek ye?” (John 1:38). Later, outside Jericho, a blind man named Bartimaeus called out to him. Everyone could see what the man lacked, yet Jesus asked him, “What wilt thou that I should do unto thee?” (Mark 10:51).
Read both passages slowly, with the verses around them. In each scene the question comes before any offer. Both questions are about desire, not belief. And both answers lead somewhere: the disciples ask where he is staying and spend the day with him, and Bartimaeus receives his sight and follows Jesus in the way.
These are narratives. They describe what Jesus did; they do not hand us a required script. Still, they show that asking someone what they seek is no detour from witness. In these two scenes it is how the encounter begins.
Paul at the altar
Now read Acts 17:16-34. Athens troubles Paul, because he sees the city “wholly given to idolatry” (Acts 17:16). Yet when he speaks, he starts from what he observed: “Ye men of Athens, I perceive that in all things ye are too superstitious. For as I passed by, and beheld your devotions, I found an altar with this inscription, TO THE UNKNOWN GOD. Whom therefore ye ignorantly worship, him declare I unto you” (Acts 17:22-23).
The KJV phrase “too superstitious” can sound like an insult. Many other translations render it “very religious,” which fits Paul’s tone better. He names their seeking accurately before he says anything else.
Look at what Paul does and does not do. He has walked the city and paid attention. He uses their own altar as common ground. He says God made people “That they should seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us” (Acts 17:27). But he never calls their worship complete. He says they worship “ignorantly,” and he goes on to preach repentance and the resurrection. Some mock him. Some want to hear more. A few believe.
That last detail matters. Careful attention did not produce a uniform response, and it will not guarantee one for you either. What it does is let you tell the truth to people you have actually noticed.
What Mark Matlock heard when he listened
Matlock, who has worked on research analysis with Barna, found a large group that does not fit the usual line between churched and unchurched. His starting point is that “those who are outside the church are not necessarily against us.” The big existential questions were not what drove them. As Matlock puts it, “Most people actually kind of believed there was something more out there, but what they were looking for is an upgrade.”
He means people who have tasted something good, such as justice, creativity, intimacy or compassion, and want more of it. Tarot, crystals, meditation or mindfulness become the vehicle they use to get there. That changes what a conversation needs. Someone who already assumes the spiritual world is real does not need you to open with a proof that God exists. They need you to notice the good thing they are reaching for.
Then Matlock describes his own move. While a person talks about what they care about, he says, “I’m looking for the me too.” He follows it with a second step: “And here’s how Jesus helps me do that better.” His reason is short: “Because that’s the basis of connection.”
This is the center of the weekly practice, and it carries a test. Matlock warns that many Christians have not really had an experience with Jesus, so “they are sharing an idea or a moral code, or a set of behaviors or practices.” A me too only works if it is true. You cannot describe how Jesus meets a longing in your life if you are not leaning on him there yourself.
The practice: one week of curious questions
Work through these movements over the week, in one conversation or across several. Keep notes afterward, never during.
- Ask about what they hope for. When the person mentions a practice or spiritual interest, hold off on correcting or explaining. Ask about the hope underneath it: What do you get out of that? When did you start? What were you hoping it would change? Then let them finish. If you catch yourself preparing a reply while they talk, return to listening. Groups should rehearse this in the first meeting. In pairs, one person describes a hobby or habit of their own, and the other asks only questions for five minutes. Then switch. A facilitator can stop the room afterward and ask how long it took before each listener wanted to start talking. Most people find out quickly.
- Name the longing, privately first. Afterward, write one sentence: what good thing is this person reaching for? Peace, relief from anxiety, being seen, a sense of purpose. Be specific. If you could not tell, write that down too. It means you need another question, not a guess.
- Find your honest me too. Where do you want the same thing? Where has following Jesus actually met that desire for you, and where has it not yet? Write it in plain words you could say to someone who has never been inside a church. If it sounds like a slogan, keep working until it sounds like your life.
- Point to Jesus when the door opens. Matlock says he likes “the language of trust” over presenting faith as buying into an ideology. His picture of faith is this: “I don’t stand on my two feet. I’m leaning into Jesus.” If the person asks about your faith, describe where you are leaning on Jesus and what that looks like on an ordinary day. Once real trust exists, Matlock sometimes asks a direct question: “Hey, is there a reason why you don’t trust in Jesus?” Save that for a relationship that can carry it.
- Practice restraint. Matlock is clear that inviting a decision matters, and that “we have to be better at discerning when that moment is.” He also says, “I don’t have to land the plane every time I’m talking to somebody.” Let the conversation end where it naturally ends.
Matlock’s experience on a flight shows why restraint can open doors. He spent the conversation wondering how to close the deal, and near landing the man told him, “Thank you for not trying to convert me.” Then the man asked what a conversion attempt would have looked like, and invited him to explain. Matlock’s conclusion: “The curious calls to curious.” Genuine interest in someone tends to make them interested in you, including in what you believe.
Where this practice can go wrong
Curiosity used as a tactic. If your questions are only a setup for a pitch, people tend to notice. Matlock says people today are asking, “do you care about me or am I a project of yours?” One honest check: would you keep asking about this person’s life if you knew they would never become a Christian?
Common ground mistaken for agreement. Sharing a longing for peace does not make every path to peace equal. Paul honored the Athenians’ seeking and still told them their worship was ignorant. Jude 3 Project’s teaching on practices like astrology, divination or crystals used for spiritual energy draws the line at intent, not the object: seeking spiritual power or guidance apart from God is not compatible with following Jesus, while a crystal kept because it is beautiful is no spiritual practice at all. That distinction protects both sides of the conversation. You do not accuse a friend over a decoration, and you do not pretend a practice aimed at power apart from God can give what only God gives. The hunger is real. The question is where it is being fed.
Rushing to close the question. Matlock found that church communities often carry a higher need for closure than the spiritually curious. When a whole community shares that need, he says, “We’re gonna give really short specific answers that we think should seal it up.” Lisa Fields tied patience to health, not to weaker conviction. She said she believes in absolutes, and also that “there’s something about being able to sit in the gray with people that takes a level of emotional health.” If a friend’s question makes you anxious, notice the anxiety before you answer.
Some curious people are not new to the gospel at all. Lisa Fields described people raised in church who could “lead you down the Romans road themselves if they wanted to.” For them, another explanation of the message may matter less than whether you have met the One you describe. Lisa told one atheist caller who said he would need Jesus himself to show up, “You need an encounter with Jesus.” That is a reason to pray for your friend, and to examine whether your own faith is more than information.
Questions for discussion or reflection
For the first meeting, or before you begin
- In John 1:38 and Mark 10:51, Jesus asks about desire before he offers anything. What do you think those questions accomplished that a statement would not have?
- Paul affirms the Athenians’ seeking and also calls their worship ignorant. Where is the line between honoring someone’s search and pretending it is enough?
- Matlock describes faith as trusting Jesus more than buying into an ideology. What does that language clarify about faith, and what might it fail to capture?
After the week
- What longing did you hear? How close was it to what you guessed on the first day?
- Was your me too easy or hard to find, and what might that say about where you are leaning on Jesus?
- When have you felt pressure to close a spiritual conversation? What happened to the relationship afterward?
- If a friend asked tomorrow why you follow Jesus, what is one true sentence you could say from your own life?
Facilitators should not ask who responded to the gospel. Ask what members learned about the person they chose, and treat a stalled or awkward conversation as useful information. If someone starts sharing a friend’s private struggle, steer the group back to what the member learned about listening.
At the end of the week
Take out the two sentences you wrote on the first day and read them next to your notes. Where were you right, and where were you wrong? Did the person’s reason for avoiding church turn out to be about the church, about God, or about something you never would have guessed? Let that answer shape your next question to them. If you could not find an honest me too, spend the coming week bringing that need to God before you bring it to anyone else. The question to carry forward is the one Jesus asked first: what are they seeking, and have you asked?