A standalone study on loving people in their pain the way Jesus did.
The big question
When someone we love is grieving or doubting, our instinct is to fix it with the right words. Yolanda Solomon points to a Jesus who, with resurrection power in his hands, chose first to sit with Mary and weep. This study asks a quiet but searching question: are you willing to be present with people in their pain before you try to answer it?
Key takeaways
- A grieving person usually needs your compassion, not your three-point sermon.
- Jesus gave Mary his presence before he gave her the miracle.
- Love, not the desire to win, should move us toward people.
- The best apologetic for a grieving child is often just being there.
- People remember how you made them feel, not only what you argued.
Scripture to sit with
John 11:32-35. Jesus wept with Mary before raising Lazarus. The shortest verse in the Bible is a ministry of presence.
Romans 12:15. Weep with those who weep. Presence is a command, not an optional kindness.
Job 2:13. Job’s friends sat with him seven days and said nothing. Their best ministry was silence and presence (their worst came later, when they started talking).
Luke 24:32. Did not our hearts burn within us? People remember the warmth of being walked with.
Quotes worth discussing
Solomon says we often come with “our three point sermon on the sovereignty of suffering instead of embodying the sympathy, compassion, and understanding that they actually want and need.”
On Jesus and Mary, Solomon says, “Mary wants answers. And Jesus gives her his presence.”
On the engine of it, Solomon says, “Love should be what compels us as we engage, not wanting to win an argument.”
On our children, Solomon says, “Sometimes the best apologetic we can give to them is just to be present with them when they’re grieving.”
Discussion questions
- When you last sat with someone in pain, did you reach for words or for presence?
- Why is it so tempting to preach a small sermon instead of simply weeping with someone?
- Who in your life is grieving right now and needs your presence more than your answers?
- How does it change your view of Jesus to see him weep before he acts?
- What would the ministry of presence look like in your home this week?
Go deeper
This study comes from the closing lesson of the Jude 3 Project’s Life of an Apologist course with Yolanda Solomon. For a related conversation, see the Jude 3 episode on how to reach someone who is disappointed with God.
A closing reflection
Think of one person who is hurting. This week, go be with them with no agenda and no sermon prepared. Sit, listen, and if words come, let them be few. You may find, as Solomon says, that your presence preaches more than your argument ever could.